Listening to Coldplay is like trying to commit suicide by pouring hot wax into your ears

The first time i heard a Coldplay song way back in November 2000 whilst listening to the radio in my car. The song i heard that day was Trouble, sorry i mean trobowl (that's what i thought it was called at the time due to Chris Martins total inability to pronounce the word trouble). My initial impression of the song was "my god what a totally boring, miserable, moaning, vomit inducing excuse for a song, that band wont last long, not unless the nation wants to join in a mass suicide pact". How wrong was i? Apparently there is a market for dreary, bland, unimaginative music played by upperclass cockney wannabes. That's another thing, i thought Chris Martin was a cockney not a public school boy from Dorset. Next song i heard was Yellow, which to me sounded more or less like Trouble, by that i means that it gave me the same feelings of nausea and depression.
If someone had told me back in 2000 that i was listening to a band that would still be producing CD's and winning awards 8 years later i would have thought it was a sick joke. I am totally baffled as to why this band has enjoyed so much world wide success. Its not as if the songs are particularly catchy or memorable, the words aren't exactly thought provoking or poignant, the band are averagely competent musicians, Chris Martin has an irritatingly weak voice, so what's the appeal?
I think i could just about deal with Coldplay's success, even if they are a talentless bunch of toffs, however the fact that they believe there own hype is far too much for me to stomach. It has obviously gone to Chris Martins head, he has been blinded by celebrity madness and has adopted the ridiculous characteristics that have blighted so many famous people in the past.
1. Have a celebrity marriage ( increase your profile to the world. Famous couples seem to create far more interest than they ever did as individuals, thanks for nothing Hello magazine you freaks)
2. Have a celebrity child, call them something completely stupid.
3. Try to save the world, the best way to do this is to give over simplistic, patronising speeches at award ceremonies and to write MTF on the back of your hand (means - make trade fair but i prefer Martin talks from his arse, ok that spells MTFHA, but who cares).

Does anyone truly believe that if Chris Martin would name his child after a piece of fruit if he wasn't part of a celebrity couple? Maybe i am old fashioned but i never imagined a classroom register would ever sound like a recipe for fruit salad. Imagine the scene, morning registration at Apples school.

"Good morning children, please be quiet while i take the register". Apple Martin"?" yes miss", "Banana Gallagher?", "yes miss"," Grapefruit Cruise?".
So anyway that's why i hate Coldplay and particularly Chris Martin.