Spank your arctic monkey

I have lost count of the number of people that has said to me things like, "The Arctic Monkeys are amazing, they have such a unique sound" Yeah, they have a point, the Arctic Monkeys do have a unique sound, my problems is that they don't have a unique song, every song sounds the same to me. That used to be a sign of getting old, when your ears can't tolerate the music of a new generation, when nightclubs and concerts become too loud and you start acting and dressing like your Dad, not anymore. Every single person i know that likes the Arctic Monkeys is over 30!!! For some reason having "When the sun goes down" on your ipod next to "Rio" by Durran Durran has become the musical equivalent of anti aging cream. Who are you trying to kid? It's a sad way of trying to cling on to a rapidly disappearing youth, it's just like when guys are going bald but still try to have a ponytail. It is a growing phenomenon, we no longer just have a mid-life crisis, now we also have a "i just entered my 30's" crisis. The Arctic Monkeys have become synonymous with 30 somethings trying to stay young.
Anyway that's just one reason why i cant stand the Arctic Monkeys, the other reasons are purely from a musical prospective.
My Reasons:

1. Everyone tells me i should like them, friends, the music press, television. For gods sake stop telling me what i should like.
2. Every song sounds the same, fast punk songs sung by a guy with a Yorkshire accent with lyrics that don't fit with the melody in a poor attempt to crowbar "Pulp" style story telling into the songs ( Did it never occur to them that storytelling and very fast music just don't go. Try it yourself get a karaoke machine and play American idiot by Green day but instead of singing the real lyrics, use the words from the opening chapter of Pride and prejudice. Hey maybe i should recorded that, post it on the Internet and in 6 months i might be hailed as the best thing since the Beatles).
3. They have the word monkeys in their name ( i hated the Monkees). Why is it that people think calling themselves monkeys make then seem like cheeky, street wise northern geezers.
4. They reference the band "The Police" in one of their songs in a lame attempt to try to associate themselves with a band consisting of talented musicians that could actually play diverse original sounding music in a variety of styles. I hate bands that try to show they are fans of other musicians in their lyrics.
5. They have the word Arctic in their name. I hate the arctic, it's cold and i don't like being cold plus arctic rolls are disgusting. I have a theory, maybe be they called themselves Arctic so that they sound like really, really northern geezers, you cant get more northern than the arctic.
6. They are crap ( OK not a very articulate and persuasive point but that's just how i feel)

Ok that's why i hate the Arctic Monkeys.